In
the course of their lives, everyone sometimes comes across situations where
existing behavior becomes problematic. This is often expressed in poor results,
but also very often in relational problems. The pressure that then arises on the
individual involved is very often insufficient to achieve the desired change. As the pressure persists, and certainly as
the age of the person concerned increases, we often see changes. In the context of organizations, we very
often do not have the time to wait for the results of this spontaneous process. Active (self) coaching is then a possible
alternative. If we want to work on behavioral change in a more
targeted way, the approach described here might be helpful.
The
approach is based on six stages that the person concerned must go through in
order to achieve behavioral change. They are generic steps, regardless of the
subject of the behavioral change or even apart from the underlying motives. These make a difference in the required
energy and depth of the exercise, but not in the steps that must be taken. This approach is based on an inspiring
relevant book that offers an alternative to family constellations,
psychoanalysis, re-experience, and other common approaches in this area. (1)
Step
1: attention
The
person concerned must pay attention to the problem that arises. This often means that signals from the
environment must be taken serious to get a clear picture of the behavior that
is problematic. There must therefore be a certain sense of urgency
that provides sufficient energy.
Step
2: insight
An
analytical approach must provide insight into what exactly is going on. Both the urgency can be investigated, as
well as the reason for developing the existing behavior. Often this means identifying the emotion
that ' triggers ' the behavior in question. If it is indeed about emotionally charged
reactions, a rather in-depth analysis is sometimes required. The relevant question is often why that
emotion is so strong and what (experience) it is based on.
Step
3: acceptance
An
important step is to give up resistance to recognizing the causes of the
behavior. A certain sense of shame or guilt must be overcome. This is often based on the negative
feedback that is commonly given about the behavior. The contents of an analysis of a previous step must be fully accepted, including the
consequences, and especially one’s own share. The desired behavior that must replace the
unwanted must also be clearly mapped. This is often harder than it seems. The 'external attribution behavior' must
be broken. Often people put the cause of the problem with others,
and they persist for quite a long time. This will of course prevents behavioral
change.
Step
4: choice
It
seems trivial, but the change starts with engaging the will to change. The transition from analysis to action is
one of the most difficult movements in human behavior. It is essential because growth,
improvement, solutions, ... are only possible through the power of
'pre-frontal' thinking. The stimulus-response automatism in our brain must be
broken. For people with a weak development of will, or even
worse, with a strongly developed sense of victim, that is a difficult task. Maturity again plays an important role here. (1)
Step
5: focus
The
person concerned should concentrate on the moments and situations where the
undesirable behavior occurs. If one tries to constantly pay attention
to the desired behavior, then one wastes his energy, and the motivation quickly
fades. Focusing on crucial moments also makes it possible to
anticipate, which greatly promotes control. Moreover, it will be necessary to control
some success fairly quickly to maintain motivation.
Step
6: Perseverance
Neurologically,
behavioral change means that an existing pattern of related brain connections
is replaced by a different pattern, partly overlapping with the old one. (3) The new pattern will only become automatic
if it is used frequently enough. The old pattern will no longer be imposed
if it is used as little as possible. It will therefore be necessary to maintain
created the focus for a considerable time. That is why the person involved must
organize himself, not his environment. Memoires, interim evaluations, 'memory
tools ', and the like are useful supports. What particularly helps is social support
in the form of feedback, preferably at the time itself or shortly after the
successful or unsuccessful attempt. People in your area can therefore help,
but cannot take over the responsibility. It will be a strong support if the person
involved in all openness expresses the intentions for behavioral change in
advance, and explicitly asks for feedback. This removes the non-committal nature of
the exercise. It is of course only possible if the choice has been
made clearly and if sufficient maturity (1) is present.
Finally:
if emotions play an important role as a drive for unwanted behavior, or you notice that a quick (spontaneous) reaction
often produces a bad result, then it is useful to act a little more
thoughtfully. This means that the 'hot system' (stimulus response)
in our brain is more dominated by the 'cool system' (pre-frontal cortex). The switch to the opposite can be
supported by cooling the 'present' and warming up the
'future'. (“Cool down the present and heat up the future "(4) Differently put, with the words of Stephen Covey (5):" you learn use the space between stimulus
and response. "
An
overview:
To
slow down the 'stimulus-response "mechanism:
- Distancing (also physically) from the
'stimulus'
- Analyze your own emotions: recognize and
try to discover the origin
- Identify your 'hot spots' (sensitive
points, and then formulate an "if - then" response to it as a
prepared response)
- Define the spontaneous reflex as a
"poison"
- Look at yourself from a virtual distance
(helicopter view)
- Talk to yourself
- Realize and analyze the 'stimulus' (person or event)
- Mindfulness, yoga, tai - chi , practicing meditation
- Relieve tension, reduce stress, exercise
To
stimulate the "conscious response" mechanism:
- Pay attention to the consequences
- Focus on the objective in a certain situation
- Install "if - then" routines in
advance
- Develop reasons to strengthen
self-control; convince yourself of the usefulness?
- Promise yourself a reward for
self-monitoring
- Taking note of successes and failures
(diary)
- Making plans
- Breathe deeply, pause
- Strengthen self-confidence (psychological immune system)
After
sufficient practice, more adapted responses could be anchored in the 'hot
system', so that it is no longer an effort to respond appropriately.
Hugo
Der Kinderen
January
2018
(1) McClure Goulding M, Goulding L. , Changing lives
through redecision therapy, Grove Press inc , New York 1979
(2) You can find a short article about maturity at : hugoderkinderen.blogspot.be
(3) A clear description of this mechanism can
be found at: S. Jacobs, Management rewired, Penguin Group, New York, 2009
(4) Among other based on: Walter Mischel ; The Marshmallow test, Little, Brown &
Company, New York, 2014
(5) S. Covey , The seven habits of highly effective people, Free Press, 1989
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