1 - "try" or "do"; communication for leaders

It sometimes happens that an employee says, "I'll try," and the supervisor (educator, ...) replies, "You shouldn't try, you just have to do it!" At first glance, that seems like a trivial nuance in communication, but that is a mistake. It is an expression of a style of leadership that does not fit into a learning organization!

A good description of 'trying' could be the following:

-           with a clear goal (focus, result) in mind,

-           focus energy on that goal, and take action,

-           knowing that it may be difficult, and therefore not immediately successful,

-           with the willingness to look for other possibilities and methods,

-           and not to give up before all the available options have been exhausted.

When a supervisor does not interpret that intention in this way, he / she is probably convinced that the employee involved will not really try, but has apologies ready to justify why it failed. That is a prejudice. The bias is that the leader does not expect the employee to behave like an Adult, but rather to respond in Child mode (see other contribution on collaboration and how TA works). That can be a realistic expectation, given the person involved, or given previous experiences. The excuses are interesting, but not relevant!

The effect of such a statement is that the pressure on the employee is increased, and that a hidden message is given: "If you don't succeed, it's on you, because you don't want to." This signal can stand in stark contrast to reality, and be experienced as very disrespectful, unrealistic and dominant.

When it comes to doing something that simply requires a simple decision or action from the employee, there is in fact no problem. Then it is indeed just a matter of doing. Certainly if all result-determining factors are controlled by the employee, and the result is assured in advance if the action is taken, no problem.

But when it comes to difficult situations that are not obvious, things are different. And whether the difficulty lies with the employee himself (who, for example , has to overcome his lack of self-confidence) or with the environmental factors (limiting resources, time, knowledge, unclear problem, complex situation, uncertain willingness of others, etc.) doesn’t matter. If we expect people to grow, stick their necks out, also try to accomplish difficult things, then the manager may not deprive them in advance of this possibility by already giving them a sense of guilt. That threat (pressure) will actually be the reason that people go to the Child mode and don't even dare to try. They quickly blame the others, complain and whine, and try to restore their safety in every possible creative way.

This simple communication is therefore an expression of a directive style of management. Whether the reason lies in paranoia of the leader, a negative emotion towards the employee, an impatience, or another reason, the effect remains the same. If the emotion precedes the facts, prejudices arise. And leadership based on prejudice is the opposite of listening and giving space. This makes a coaching leadership style impossible.

So now I am more than ever convinced that I reacted correctly when a supervisor once told me that "trying" was a "taboo word" for them, by replicating: "that says more about you than about the employee or the issue".

Hugo Der Kinderen